White Waters

Rapids carrying me downstream
Can’t catch my breath
The white foams push
Swirling loudly around me

Through the fog in my eyes
I search desperately for a glimpse
Of rocks on the riverbanks
But they elude my sight

Gasping again, looking for sunlight
Cold fingers tug at my legs
Tossed around like an empty shell
My lungs drown in icicles

Then just as I surrender
To the icy slumber that is certain
Ready for sudden peace
The sun warms me
I am afloat, embraced by silence

Les Yeux Que J'aime

As I stand here before you
I find myself lost
For what feels like eternity
Yet is merely an instance

As I sit here before you
I look to lose myself
Hoping to find dark pools
That I can lose myself in

As I lay here before you
I know I am found again
Knowing that I will forever be
Yours

Moved To Write

Having one of those moments in life when I have to stop for a moment and take a breath.

Too much has happened in just the past 4 months. More changes than I can count on my hands have rendered me speechless.

So I'm taking this time to look inward and reflect. Questions I don't have the answers to haunt me -- The what ifs, the why nots, and the whens.

Should I laugh, or should I cry?

Top 10 [fill in the blank]s of the Year 2010

As we begin our annual ritual of holiday parties (went to my first one of the season tonight, and it's not even Thanksgiving yet!), and the madness begins with the pre-pre-pre-pre-Black Friday sales, I thought I'd start a new annual tradition. While the new year is about starting things anew, shedding our old skin, etc., the holiday season is a good time to reflect on the year that is nearly passed by, and to even revisit the emotional highs and lows of the year. Haven't figured out what to call this list yet -- Top 10 Milestones? Top 10 Watershed moments? I'm taking suggestions.

So until I get a really good submission from one of my 3 readers, here is my Top 10 [fill in the blank]s of the Year for 2010:

10. The [Republican] Boys Are Back in Town: Need I say more, other than groan?

9. The Big Heist: The MTA in its inimitable fashion approved yet another fare hike, this time choosing to penalize their most loyal riders by jacking up the Unlimited cards.

8. Big Forecast, NOT: Apparently, the Great Recession is over. So why is unemployment up?

7. Team CoCo Ya!: Conan O'Brien lived through the world's ugliest divorce from the Peacock network. Thankfully, he was able to throw the proverbial pie in their face by beating Jay on the debut of his new show on TBS.

6. Brett Favre Throws a Dud: I thought I'd seen the worst in celeb-athelete misbehaving when Tiger Woods couldn't hide anymore from all his indiscretions. Turns out the best football player of the last decade may be even more pathetic by stalking a young intern.

5. iPad Gets Mixed Reviews/iPhone Get Lifted: Not long after Apple launched the iPad to reviews that ran the entire spectrum from "too soon" to "just in time", Gizmodo [allegedly] committed theft by publishing the details from the new generation of the prototype that hadn't been released yet that they "recovered" from a bar.

4. Glenn Beck Needs to Just Go Away!!!: Need I say more?

3. Chilean Miners: With all the mining tragedies around, I can't believe they all made it. But did we actually expect that someone shut up underground for almost 3 months could actually run the NYC Marathon?

2. The Big Spill in the Big Easy: If ever there were a clear example of how oil is bad for the environment in the short term in addition to slowly killing Earth...

1. The Clueless: Can we PLEASE make it mandatory for EVERY SINGLE MEMBER of the Tea Party to take an American History 101 class??? N-O-W???

And scene...

Shall we try this again?

No excuses, especially since I'm a confirmed insomniac, that I can't find time to type a few lines in my blog. So I'll be doing my best to post regularly yet again.

Got to spend some QT with my new nephew, Brennan Mobius Lee. I can't stand how adorable he is. Was great to see my parents and spend some time with Ken and Sue, but boy, what I wouldn't have given to spend all day Saturday with my little wee nephew.

Woke up Sunday morning with the worst sore throat...and my right ear was completely blocked up. Was supposed to go out to Hamptons to spend some time with Renee and her family, but with a temperature, that was not a good idea.

So ended up spending the day sleeping on and off, trying to care for my sore throat, and ended up finishing my 3rd book in 5 days. Been on a real book bender lately.

Looking at a very crazy week yet again -- work will be nuts after having been away for a week, gotta catch up on yoga, and Ed & Deb's 3rd will be arriving on Saturday. I'm sure I'll be swinging by Ken & Sue's place a few times this week also. At least I hope so. Mom and Dad will be here through the week. Must try to go out east to see Renee and family. Oh, and a high school friend will be visiting on Sunday.

It's going to be a mad mad mad week.

So is 40 truly the new 30?

I spent the whole weekend celebrating my 40th year on this earth, with toasts with family and friends. I went shopping with gift cards I received. I worked out, threw out old clothes, gave away old books. All things so that I could feel that I passed through my own rite of passage. I felt I had marked the day sufficiently, and felt okay with turning 40. I was thankful for everyone I have in my life, and that they all wanted to help me ring in my 40th.

I feel at peace, shockingly, with all things in my life. Yet, somehow, I feel like nothing major is really different. i didn't expect to feel like a different person overnight, certainly. I also didn't expect it to be just another day. Somehow, I thought to myself, things will feel different.

The only thing that's really different is that I can't say I'm in my 30s anymore.

So how do I handle being the same, yet different?

And A New Day Begins...

This historic day compels me to start blogging again. What a night. Until tonight, I had never truly felt the full impact of what my parents did for us when they moved us here in the fall of 1981. And as I watch President-Elect Barack Obama's acceptance speech, I've never before been more grateful to anyone as I feel toward my parents right now. It's all sinking in, and it's more overwhelming than I would have imagined.

My parents gave up everything they had to give my brothers and me a chance to have big dreams and be given an opportunity to have them come true. As a teenager, I carried too much resentment because I thought they would only be happy if we fulfilled their dreams for us of becoming doctors and lawyers. But tonight, I realize what they really dreamed about was to have their children grow up in a country where anything is truly possible.

As I listen to President-Elect Obama repeat "Yes, We Can", I felt the full weight of our parents wishes for us. They wanted nothing more than for us to feel that we are a part of a country that is truly extraordinary for what we achieved tonight.

It is truly the dawn of a new day, not just for this country, but for all children of immigrants whose parents and other ancestors sacrificed so much to ensure that their children become citizens of the greatest country in the world.